Saul's Conversion
Saul’s Conversion
Acts 9:1-9
Whatever else you may think about Saul, the man was a real pit bull. He was a lawyer by trade, steeped in the religious and civil laws. Of course, there were lots of lawyers, all of whom would have known their stuff. What singled out Saul was that he was a true believer. Knowing the law wasn’t just an intellectual exercise. Knowing the law was knowing how to get right with God, how to be righteous. This is why he was so passionate about enforcing the law. Showing people how to live righteous lives was the best thing that he could do for them: “Listen! If you do what I’m telling you to do, you will be able to stand proudly before God. If you don’t do what I’m telling you to do, I will correct you—but only for your own good and for the good of the community.”
If Saul knew anything, it was that he was right. In our own age, when people on every end of every issue are convinced that they are right, it shouldn’t be hard for us to imagine Saul. If you’re one hundred percent right, then there is no need to listen to anyone else. If you’re one hundred percent right, then you can just look people in the eye and say, “You’re either for us or against us.” If you’re one hundred percent right, then you have no problem identifying who and what is one hundred percent wrong and then doing whatever needs to be done to rid yourself of such “issues.” When the goal, the way that the world should be, the things that people should believe and do are so clear, you bulldoze any obstacles out of the way. You’re just doing what’s necessary to get the job done—no hard feelings! One day, you’ll thank me…
Of course, the problem is that we can be convinced that we are 100 percent right and, in fact, be wrong. We don’t even have to be 100 percent wrong. We may just be wrong about a handful of essential things that turn out to be enough to make our knees weak when we realize our mistakes. Even to realize that we might be wrong, that we might be mistaken feels like a weakness, though, to the true believer. After all, it is weak minded people who get all weak kneed by doubting themselves, right?
Here’s my image of what this leads to: imagine that you are in your car. You’re driving on the highway, flying along on your way somewhere—apparently somewhere super important because you are driving with a vengeance, seeing every car in front of you as a barrier to your progress. Finally, you see your exit. You cut across three lanes to make it. You notice a few signs as you exit but you don’t need to read them because you know you’re right. Sure, the entrance was a little awkward but nothing’s going to stop you! You achieve full speed on the entrance ramp, look to merge with the traffic and realize… that all the other cars on the highway are going the wrong way. You shake your head and wonder to yourself, “Who are these losers?” You just keep on driving…
Imagine being the cop who stops you. “Sir, do you have any idea why I stopped you?” “Uh…to protect me from all these wrong- way drivers? Officer, how low can things go? How can so many people be so wrong? Have they all lost their minds?” “Sir, I’m going to need you to please step out of the car…”
That’s basically where Saul is. We can give the man credit for his sharp mind and his passionate belief. He’s walking along believing with all his heart that he is doing God’s work. He’s just opened up a new “market” for arrests over in Damascus. He’s received permission to go hunt down all the followers of Jesus—the ones who talk about “The Way.” He’s going to show them “The Way” alright, the way that people who would corrupt society get treated. The problem, of course, is that Saul is going the wrong way. He’s about to have a head-on collision, not with another traveler, but with God.
Now, in the history of religious conversions, there are a spectrum of accounts that run the gamut from super-dramatic, lightning bolt conversions to stories of the incremental accumulation of more subtle experiences that lead to a tipping point. People tell very different stories of how they came to own their faith and their sense of calling. Saul’s experience is very much on the dramatic end of the spectrum but he’s not the only example. There’s the televangelist who talks about seeing a 700 foot tall Jesus. There’s the self-destructive person who “sees the light” in the most bottomed out moment of their life.
Those of us who lean more toward the less dramatic experiences of owning our faith can sometimes feel a little jealous of the clarity that seems to be there in those dramatic experiences. Wouldn’t it be kind of nice for things to be so clear cut? Sometimes, people will even doubt someone’s dramatic experience because they have not had that experience themselves. Mysteries and mystical experiences are by definition private. So, I would invite you to think about these moments this way. I think God does whatever it takes to reach us. If we’re open and available, God might whisper first. After all, God knows most of us are easily overwhelmed. If that doesn’t work, maybe God ramps things up: “No go on the sunset? Okay…try holding this brand new baby and marveling at life, itself!” Some of us are super hard to reach. We all know who they are. A bomb could go off next to them and they would not be rattled. God chuckles and says, “Okay…if it’s going to take a 700 foot Jesus, here’s your 700 foot Jesus…”
In order to get someone as stubborn as Saul’s attention, things needed to be dramatic. As he is walking down the road to Damascus, a light from heaven flashes around him and he drops to the ground. A voice calls out to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” He’s now as blind as a bat but the man is tough as nails. While he is in a heap on the ground, Saul starts schmoozing whoever is the source of that voice. He has no idea what’s going on. He has no idea who is responsible. Instinctively, though, he calls out to whoever is out there as Lord: “Who are you, Lord?” Understand, calling whoever is out there, “Lord” should be heard not as a theological statement but as good old fashioned kowtowing: “I don’t know who just did that but whoever you are, you’re the man!” Saul’s no dope. Saul knows how to appease those with power.
That’s when the voice identifies itself, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting.” This is the moment when Saul, traveling full speed down the highway of life, absolutely convinced that he’s going the right direction and everyone else is wrong, has to begin to question everything. What do you think was more terrifying—getting “canned” and blinded on the road or having the one who did it identify himself as the person you have designated “Public Enemy #1—even if deceased.” Every bone in your body has been committed to eradicating the followers of this man and now you are standing in the company of the man, himself. I think, given how ruthless you have been, you would have had every expectation that you were about to experience the ruthlessness of God. After all, you have just gone from being on a “mission from God” to being dropped in your tracks by God almighty, all in the span of 60 seconds. A minute ago, Saul was totally right. Now, it’s looking more and more possible that Saul was totally wrong. What will the God who knocked him down and blinded him do next?
Saul is completely vulnerable—without a leg to stand on, or at least the vision to plant his foot and rise. He has followers who, no doubt, were drawn to him because he was so self-assured and confident and decisive. Now, they surround him as he lies in a heap. Like some of the accounts of Jesus’ baptism, this crowd could hear the voice from on high. However, instead of hearing, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” this crowd hears, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me.” In other words, “I know your name and I know that you are in my way.” I suspect that the followers were quaking just as much as Saul. We are told they are speechless. I suspect that they were inching their way back away from Saul, doing whatever they could to make sure that they were not themselves the victims of the next assault that was surely coming Saul’s way.
However, there is no next attack, which is so crucial. I have no doubt that Saul, himself, expected a final attack because he, himself, had grown comfortable with the need to pounce on someone else’s vulnerability. Wouldn’t turn about be fair play? As he braced himself for that blow, he had to be haunted by the memories of the terror that had been on so many of the faces of those whom he had arrested. He never thought he would be wrong. He never thought he would be vulnerable. Who among us hasn’t cringed and waited for the good, old-fashioned, “I told you so” that we knew that we deserved? So we brace ourselves for whatever’s next…
That’s the thing. The voice doesn’t say, “Saul, prepare to die!” or “Saul, I hate you!” Instead, the voice says, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting, but get up and enter the city, and you will be told what to do.” I wonder, what did Saul think at this point? Did he think that the blow wasn’t going to come? Or, was Saul’s assumption that this reprieve was temporary? After all, there was time between Jesus of Nazareth’s arrest and his death, time for him to be paraded between the authorities, time to make him suffer. Maybe Jesus was ready to deliver a little of the authority’s own “medicine” to Saul, the top authority at hunting down Christians?
What choice did Saul have, though? He got up off the ground, probably because one of his “lackeys” gave him a hand. He dusted himself off—a failed attempt at dignity when you can’t see the dust in the first place. Then, blind as a bat, the man who had previously set the pace with his purposeful stride forward to the next arrest, now stumbled blindly forward, relying on a colleague who walked backwards, holding Saul’s hands in his own. It was going to take forever but they were on their way to Damascus again. Now, though, they had no idea what was awaiting them. Of course, this meant that Saul had plenty of time to finally do the soul-searching, self-examination that he never thought would be needed at all.
Trust me here..God has Saul’s attention. Saul is more vulnerable than he’s ever been. The man who had been ruthless, begins to get a taste of grace—the very concept that he would spend the rest of his life championing. And yet, there are miles to be walked before he gets there. There are changes to be made and change takes time. We’ll see him in Damascus next week.
In the meantime, consider this…those of us who know the story of Jesus should see the intersection of that story with Saul’s conversion. We are told that for three days, Saul would neither eat nor drink. Do you remember Jesus’ own declaration at the end of his life, that he would not eat or drink again until he was in the kingdom of God? Oh and “three days?” Do you remember the time between Good Friday and Easter morning? Finally, do you remember the little girl who died whom Jesus brought back to life? Like Saul’s colleague, Jesus takes the girl by the hand and leads her into life. He says to hear, “Child, arise!” It turns out that Saul’s path toward faith looks a lot like the walk that Christ walked.
Join me in Damascus next week…